shrug and a headshake

I'm spiteful and resentful and grudgy.
Less than I used to be.
Hopefully more than I will be in years to come.
My karma is probably already completely screwed tho.
Is it like alcoholism, where admitting it is the first step to freedom?
Or is admitting it just pointless (or worse, disingenuous) if you are not actively trying to counter the tendency?
Old friends, who proved not to be really, writing me emails out of the blue for example.
(Yay Google!)
Who does it hurt to delete their messages unanswered?
They obviously survived all these years without contact with me.
And yet I feel guilty.
But mostly relieved.
Sometimes it's hard to see the lines between being true to yourself and being a good person.
Just like the ones between hypersensitivity and an overly reactive guilt mechanism.
So I deleted and if there is a third I will delete it as well.
(Oddly and suddenly tenacious old friends, I should have said.)
Prior pain and disappointment demand it.
See above, screwed karma.

2 commentaires:

Ed a dit…

Whew. At least my e-mail got answere! ;)

Applecart T. a dit…

i have found that usually those emails only take one reply anyway, and the person never re-responds back.

it's not worth the energy to tell them everything, sometimes anything, but i'm a "maybe they know something i need to know" / "maybe they can get me a job" junkie.

hasn't happened to me in a while, tho. so this opinion is not valid. the nytimes has a story (i was hoping it would be better) about defriending on facebook, but there might be a few "your karma is fine" gems in there.