Excuse me for being regionalist but... in all the other US places I've lived, if you say "Excuse me" when you're moving thru a store in front of someone or edging around someone on the sidewalk, etc., it means Just That. I mean that the biggest use for "Excuse me" is "Excuse me as I kind of invade your personal space a bit or have to walk in front of you for a second," etc. Usually people just say, "Sure," "No problem," "Certainly," or emit the affirmative version of "Mmm hmm." OK, sure, once in a while you have situations where you really mean it as "Excuse me but I need by and you will have to move for that to happen" at which point you'll usually get an answering "Oh, excuse me" (the sincere version not à la 1975 Steve Martin), if indeed you get anything at all.
Now here in my little corner of Dixie... I can safely say that 99.99999% of the time when I say "Excuse me," people answer with an apology. This drives me crazy, and that's admittedly my own issue to work thru, but is there some other version of "Excuse me" I'm supposed to be using down here so that people don't think I'm walking around blaming them for needing to walk on the same sidewalk as me or share the same grocery aisle? Seriously, the last time this happened, a lady was looking in the freezer at the grocery and she was in that perfect spot of the aisle where the choice was between going behind and rubbing butts with her or going in front thereby disrupting her ice cream perusal, so I really did mean "Excuse me" as I quickly slipped thru in front of her and she launches this huge apology at me.
I think this is really intriguing from a linguistic point of view. Here's an entire hunk of our society walking around imposing a nearly contrary meaning to an expression, choosing to perceive a statement of quasi-apology instead as a complaint or an accusation. (Or maybe my "Excuse me" sounds passive-aggressive?!)
Anyone who can offer elucidation here, Yes, Please. Especially if you know the secret "Excuse me" phrase I'm supposed to be using if I really do mean "Excuse me" rather than "Oh you huge inconsiderate person how dare you try to use the sidewalk at the same time with me?"
Actually I might have just had a humongous A-HA... The other side of the coin is that I can't believe how few people even say "Excuse me" any more... I always think it's an age thing because it tends to be 20-somethings (yes there's that huge College Student Ego issue that probably factors in here but that's a whole 'nother diatribe). But now I think I get it... They don't know what to say either and are just as tired of eliciting undeserved apologies as I.
It reminds me a lot of the ubiquitous Japanese apology. You couldn't spit without someone apologizing to you or excusing themselves over there, even in situations where you knew you had probably messed up, like certain work issues at school with the English teachers and misunderstood instructions on hand-outs or meetings, etc.
I'm reminded also of how I felt about that, which is much like I feel about some of the ostensibly considerate things people do here. After a while I start not trusting it, because it seems like people do it more because they think they should than because they really feel that consideration for others.
Before my southern friends start gathering for my stoning, the other thing I think here about that and which I used to think in Japan as well, was that maybe affected consideration is better than none. Kind of like manners biofeedback. When you are relaxed you breathe with your diaphragm and abdomen, ergo breathing with your diaphragm can make your body and mind think it's relaxed, and eventually you will be. So maybe both cultures have it right, if we stick to our considerate gestures eventually we'll all be compassion incarnate? Hmmm. See, now, the sarcasm snuck in there because tho I'd like to believe that would work, I have my doubts of course. Plus there is in fact the existence of passive agression to consider. Still it's a nice thought, tho in a perfect world of course not only would we be sincerely and spontaneously considerate but consideration would be sincerely merited on a more regular basis as well.
In the meantime I'm sure there are times here where I'm perceived as anything but considerate because tho I feel I do show sincere, spontaneous consideration for others, it's not in that automat(on)ic hop-to-it way that it was in Japan and is, to a lesser degree, here.
4 commentaires:
I'm sorry to hear all that.
Hee hee.
Actually I think I may do this, if someone says "excuse me" I am likely to say "sorry!" as I jump out of the way. But I know I did that before moving to the south.
Interesting sidenote question - do men apologize too? or is it just the women?
I think it's both but I bet women more consistently (she said, sexistly).
i also say "sorry," but don't mean "i apologize," it's just the simplest response to "sorry i was in your way and didn't perceive it before you said something," but without an iota of offense or anything. saying back "excuse me" is probably an older response, and for me, it's too long/not my habit.
i tend to say it to lots of foreign-born people around our grocery stores, and get no response, often as if the english just wasn't heard/understood at all.
in mexico, i didn't hear anyone going around saying "perdone," which is what my dictionary says they might, and when i say it to people who clearly speak (i heard them) spanish, they give me the same non-response. sometimes don't even "get it" that i'd like to move by/through.
have you tried the southern "pardon me?"
when i do crash into a stranger or touch someone accidentally, i do say "sorry," and get, again, barely any response. it may be the urban thing. when people touch me and don't say they're sorry, it pisses off and freaks me out.
my conclusion is that most people are mindless of the others around them.
i miss the days of when you were sure to here "sumimasen" over and over all the time, no matter what people were doing.
I think I may have to try pardon me's and see... or else just get over it of course.
which, yeah right.
kee
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