little task birds

I'm having that thing where all of my 50 million tasks seem of equal priority and no matter what I am in the process of accomplishing there are 49 million other things being neglected so when I finish or get a chunk of one thing done I actively feel guilty and wonder exactly how much time I should have allotted to that above the other little tasks with their mouths open waiting for my time. It'd be easier if one or two were clear runts of the litter (do you say "litter" for birds?) and I could just stop feeding them.

It'd be easier, too, without other people weirding me out on top of my own self-weirding-out, but that's a whole 'nother post (or 80).

I might have to try adopting a "So what?!" mantra. This won't work for Paris stuff, as certain things' not being accomplished or not being accomplished comme il faut (Just So) really will have a very palpable downside once we're in France. (Those crazy French sticklers!) But for the people part I really need to just start saying (in my head at least) "So what?!" to certain (perceived by me) disapproving, skeptical or merely questioning looks and remarks. Conversely I could try to take a page from Auden's book and remember they all have their things going on as well. The weird reaction I just got from one person could have been anything at all: indigestion, jobhunt fatigue, etc. And even if it was aimed at me or my Process, this concern should definitely go in the runt category.

Who says I can't prioritize? (Besides me that is.)

2 commentaires:

Applecart T. a dit…

It's a clutch of eggs and then perhaps a brood of chicks (any birds, perhaps not dinosaur-type) … all of my tasks are at the flock stage, huge and starving and swooping down on my head, squawking terribly so that I am nothing but a guilty gilt cage with nothing to show for so incredibly much time … I can't even blog, it's that bad.

My to-do list stays the same every day. It's very bad. I should be motivated by fear-of-foreclosure, but I am not. What "faith" is this … I simply can't work without a real deadline. The possibility of not having a job in two weeks is not strong enough. I am applying for a $12 part-time secretary thing at a free/low-cost legal service provider. I feel I am competing against so many unwed mothers …

Did I send the narrative about the IRS job?


Susan a dit…

you are sublime. just in case no one has told you lately, Trancy-chan.