To be clear, this is the long version of an email I cut way down and just sent to N*ncy and J*ss and El*ine. If you are not afraid of Maudlin Vitriole, forge on, brave reader.
I stopped by B*M today (that's of course what yest's FB thing was about) to talk to the mgr and introduce myself and the good news is he is going thru apps on Thursday and as I left he said he would be calling me for an interview (he positively lit up re my books experience, etc.)
woo hoo!! right?
The bad news: it is part-time regardless of what their stinking website said (don't EVEN get me started at how absolutely incensed I am becoming with each passing liar-liar-pants-on-fire job posting) AND you're limited to two 4-hr shifts for each of the first THREE weeks of training and after that THE NUMBER OF HOURS YOU GET DEPENDS ON HOW MANY FUCKING B*M MEMBERSHIPS AND MAGAZINES AND OTHER PROMOTIONAL ITEMS (none of which are actual books) YOU SELL. Those who do well of course get more hours. Those who do not can count on their 8 hrs/wk and possibly not more.
I basically suck at the whole hawking-wares thing, even if it is stuff I really am into (like perhaps, say, the books themselves) - plus of course it is Really Quite Hilarious to think that 24 hours' work in the first three weeks is anywhere close to sufficient.
Bottom line, at the risk of sounding like it's preemptive sour grapes, is I really don't want it - I'll go to the interview most likely but despite the pull of being back in books, I'd rather work part-time at Panera or somewhere where I don't have to stress about how much I'm selling, and where I have a more real chance of more hours than that. There is the option of, if they offer, taking it until I find other stuff (a prospect which in itself feels shitty because dishonest), so I guess we'll see how desperate I'm feeling that day, if it comes. Plus, given the fact that if I end up settling for a P/T job I'll certainly be looking for a second, I think two jobs is stressful enough in the first place without one of them being somewhere that adds more than the average new-job stress (like for example where I have to pull sales pitches out of my ass to convince customers to buy a stupid B*M membership) on top of that. But of course, we'll see... Never say never - altho I really really want to say never. Really really loudly. And some other stuff. Some of which I've already said here and doubtless will continue to include...
I had an inkling it was a mistake to get my hopes up on that... (or on anything job-wise in this fucking place, actually). Pretty good outlook over here at the library, my home away from home. On to other job applications… What is that dictum about "if something looks too good to be true it probably is"? Honestly that applies to pretty much everything in this town for me - except it often would read like this "if something looks kind of passably OK it probably is too good to be true." (Of course all adventures involving choir or clay are exempt from this trend.)
Which brings me to mention… Some people have accused me of being a pessimist over the years. (I know, seriously?! Me?!) But I always come back to the conclusion that actually I'm an ultra-optimist who is constantly disappointed and my hopes, being "ultra" themselves, naturally seem ultra-dark when they get dashed.
And so fresh rage towards Clems*n is born. I __did__ find out, upon returning home, that I have been SERIOUSLY underestimating my gifts for cursing and invectives. Really, who isn't happy to find out they have hidden additional talents at the age of 50?
I am hereby going to stop thinking anything is going to be the least bit promising until I'm signed on somewhere and it proves to be so. OK well at least that is the plan.