Do I look like I need a man?

That sounds rhetorical but it's only partly so. Seriously, am I exuding some kind of romance desperateness unbeknownst to me? (Which reminds me of a recent student message someone was talking about on Chronicle.com where they missed a test because they were "unknowingly incarcerated" - tee hee.) Anyway... In addition to not one but TWO potentially imminent tho unbidden fixings-up (fixing-ups?) by a certain Gatorpoet we all know and love (Disclaimer: I'm not seeking anything but as long as I don't have to exert myself I don't really care if someone tries to matchmake with me in mind - of course I've never before been the victim of any matchmaking so ask me again later), now Lisa in our main office is leaving me messages about this guy who contacted the office for tutoring who "sounds really respectful and intelligent and might be single and you should call him!" FTR, I did indeed already email him but it was to get my hat in the ring for tutoring before anyone else, NOT in hopes of conjugating anything save verbs. :)

Assuming I were* interested (*the were, in case you don't know, is to be used instead of was in cases where the thing you're talking about is not in fact true and would probably require a sizeable shift in the cosmos to become so), we all know that nice sounding, respectful guys in Alabama are pretty much married by default. (Well really pretty much everyone here, of marriageable age anyway, is married by default unless they're a newly-arrived early-career academic or from somewhere other than the South, or both.) But well.

Further, inasmuch as I do occasionally think about coupledom, it's usually just when I kind of need someone around for non-romance, non-couply stuff, you know, practical applications which would just make my life easier and for which I can't exactly count on Sam & Lucy. The current list, then, of these actual Needs is as follows:

  • Frying Help (aka General Helping Me Stay On Task Help) -- Many of you know about this issue. The reason I can't fry stuff For Shit is because I can't make myself stay there for the 2-3 minutes it takes to get one side browned or whatever. It feels like an eternity! Seriously. Invariably I go off to another room just to get this one thing done reallyquickwhileI'mthinkin'aboutit and in a few minutes I detect the burning smell from the kitchen and race back in to throw away yet another batch of bacon or parsnips or pre-parmesana eggplant or whatever. (It just dawned on me I'm fine frying eggs for some reason, I guess since eggs generally entail their own subset of multi-tasky potterings since I have to get my toast or bread ready, pour juice, etc. ) Anyway the Frying Help would entail either :

    A. talking to me while I fry (= less chance for Susanboredom), or

    B. physically compelling me to stay in the kitchen (altho conversing would be nice, too), or

    C. being ready to run and do whatever quick thing is nibbling at my brain (altho I could see where I would still want to be doing something else, TOO, 'cause Shit! getting 3 things done at once... Wondrous even to fathom!)

    D. Another option is to let the S.O. fry, but then my control issues might have to be dealt with. Who am I kidding? The control issues would have to be dealt with in option C also... Damn.

    The general staying-on-task help when I'm not frying of course comes into play mostly when tests or compos are being graded, not that I feel like I can multi-task during that but I do need someone to sit there and make me keep grading.

  • if French: practice - This ties into something I said years ago after Scott when I was talking to Vincio and said that guys sucked. Then later in the convo I said I would condescend to tossing out my Guys Suck theory if I found a half-way standable French guy. Vincio thought this hypocritical and, I believe - if I remember correctly (and of course I'd check with him but he stopped keeping in touch, the jerk) - was a bit perturbed at my implication that only American guys sucked or something. I said, "No, Frog guys suck, too, but at least I could practice my French regularly so I'd get something out of it." I no longer think all guys suck, but French guys are still your best bet if you need to practice the language (or Francophone at least).

  • Neck Massages (the non-sensual variety) 'cause I've had muscle spasms in my traps and neck all spring and I can't get the right angle on it myself - This one is reaching 'cause of course I could just go see Joe Dansak again, and probably will if it persists. Paid massage therapists are better anyway; you pay, you feel better, and you don't have to live with them. (Funny how when you're writing your true feelings start to surface!)

  • I can't think of the fourth thing... I think it had to do with having someone around to play with Sam & Lucy at times like now (or during finals week I mean) when I'm away more and when I do come home I am a big non-cat-playing lump... Or else it had to do with using powertools. Mind you I am probably the only woman some of you know who owns not one but two drills, and knows how to hold a hammer, and tho I don't have my own Skilsaw, Dean once said I can saw plywood straighter than Stephen!... but there are times when I can't get enough oompf behind the drill, especially for my crazy plaster walls, or when it would be handy to have someone standing on the ground by the ladder to hand me stuff. (And yes, John F., this is a lame reason since I know certain retirees are usually un-busy [altho seemingly too busy to comment on blogs they lurk] and happy to come help with the stuff I can't get enough weight behind, etc., but I didn't want to leave you all hanging for reason #4.)

  • 6 commentaires:

    Anonyme a dit…

    I think in any case, it might be difficult to adjust to an extra set of hands (and perhaps feet too for whatever they might come in handy with. . . oh I just made a pun and didn't mean too: handy?) doing *your* tasks. For example, you are frying and he is standing there ready to go shred some files or play with S. and L. in the 93 seconds you have before you need to flip what you are frying. Now, both of you are in a bind. Though you want him to go do these tasks, you know that in delegating this task, you have essentially given him the power to go do what you would do. However, control issues aside, I think there is something to be said for premade coffee in the morning (i.e. you can measure the water and coffee to your liking in the morning, and all he has to do is plug in the pot and press the button). I also highly agree with the whole language practice theory. It helps if they don't speak a lick o' English.

    cmm a dit…

    1. Italian boys > French boys. Trust o moi! There's this guy Matteo who I see all of the time and he always makes me "blush" even though I never understand a word he says.
    2. Coming from Auburn's number one matchmaker (not really but I've fixed-up 2 couples both have currently being going strong for over a year), it's easy to set up your cool friends with other cool people you know. So, I think everyone is trying to tell you that you're awesome. Tip: If you get a little tipsy before a blind date (or any date really), you decrease the chances of having a bad time.
    3. Dog's are easier to train than both cats and men.

    Now, I drink.

    Susan a dit…

    Is that you bf? I cannot tell who that is but it is a very fun comment so thank you hugely :)

    Susan a dit…

    the anonymous one not the one from cmm, who is not a mystery (altho probably capable of it when nec.)

    Anonyme a dit…

    No, the anonymous one would be "Daisy" a.k.a. the one who keeps sending you random lists from her new favorite obsession. :)

    Susan a dit…

    you kill me - that reminds me I need to post that other obsession one on a certain teaching blog... from now on, Daisy, sign your posts you crazy kid! :)