for the last frigging time

Attention all Auburnites,

Precious few of you understand how to negotiate 4-way stops. I know the truth hurts, but there's no getting around it. I realize this is at least partly another example of the dichotomy between Auburn's wanting to maintain small-town Mayberry intimacies while becoming the Oh So Cosmopolitan Condo and Consumerism Capital of the South, so I'm here to help you with the transition, traffic-wise if nowhere else. Here are some tips:

if you arrive before someone else at a 4-way, YOU go first (even if the other person has a vagina)

if you arrive at the same time and you're next to each other, the person on the right goes first (again, regardless of vagina/penis possession)

if you arrive at the same time and you're across from each other, and one is going straight and the other is turning, the person going straight goes first (again, genitalia should not come into play - kee - please continue to apply this reminder for the rest of the tips here)

if you arrive at the same time and you're across from each other, and you're both turning left or right, or you're both going straight, you can both go at the same time

if you arrive at the same time and you're across from each other, and you're both turning into the same lane (i.e. one turning to his/her right, one turning to his/her left) the one turning to his/her right goes first

if you arrive at the same time as a very handsome little grey Honda Civic hatchback, and you do not follow any of these protocols or you wave the Honda Civic on because it contains a female driver even tho you were at the stop 40 seconds before she was, the piercing stream of obscenities you can just barely hear as she drives away are indeed aimed at YOU

We're not in buggies anymore nor do we need to observe any of the guidelines of chivalry and courtly love. Learn to drive. Follow the rules.

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!