shrug and a headshake

I'm spiteful and resentful and grudgy.
Less than I used to be.
Hopefully more than I will be in years to come.
My karma is probably already completely screwed tho.
Is it like alcoholism, where admitting it is the first step to freedom?
Or is admitting it just pointless (or worse, disingenuous) if you are not actively trying to counter the tendency?
Old friends, who proved not to be really, writing me emails out of the blue for example.
(Yay Google!)
Who does it hurt to delete their messages unanswered?
They obviously survived all these years without contact with me.
And yet I feel guilty.
But mostly relieved.
Sometimes it's hard to see the lines between being true to yourself and being a good person.
Just like the ones between hypersensitivity and an overly reactive guilt mechanism.
So I deleted and if there is a third I will delete it as well.
(Oddly and suddenly tenacious old friends, I should have said.)
Prior pain and disappointment demand it.
See above, screwed karma.