I miss

not having anyone with whom I can coin fun things like "drivecrazyable"ness. I mean sure, Sam and Lucy, understand my jargon but they refuse to DELIGHT in it so there's just not as much satisfaction.

One of those days where I think there will not be anyone like that again.

Um, not exactly.

So I was trying to figure out a concise way to say "detail oriented" in French. Often I'll go to the online thesaurus to see if they have another word in English for a certain word or phrase which will help my head click and figure out a good way to the French. Of course the online dictionary and thesaurus will sometimes not be able to find what you're looking for and normally it will then alert you to possible misspelling or misswording. This time it said,

"Did you mean diddle around?"

nyernt nyernt.

"Whose breathing your secondhand smoke?"

Your doubletake was justified.

This is the slogan on one of the Clems*n downtown no-smoking ordinance posters.

I read it and, like you, stopped after the first couple of words thinking, "Whose breathing... wait is there a verb missing? Should it be 'Whose breathing is your secondhand smoke?' or 'Whose breathing is secondhand?' or 'Whose breathing is smoky?' ??"

This is because, like most correct English users, my head really could not understand that it was all due to a misspelling. I finally figured it out when I happened to whisper-read it to myself. Then of course my ear picked up "Who's."

So I just wrote them a very nice email down at the City of Clems*n office. I tactfully explained that I believe people take messages more seriously when they don't have misspellings or grammar errors on them. Indeed I'm not so distracted as simply disdainful when I see things like this on anything from advertisements to blogs to quasi-serious info resources (there was something weird on a weather site not long ago but I neglected to note what it was), let alone from governments, albeit local ones. It doesn't make me pay attention - it makes me laugh... ruefully.

Granted I'm kind of detail oriented (some would say overly so - including me a lot of the time) and I'm also kind of a word/language-nerd, so when I say that I probably am in an upper percentile of people who notice these things it is with all modesty - it's simply a fact. I might even be happier if I didn't notice so much of this stuff. But I do.

I do the same thing in French. Sure it's part of my job, but I mean even when I'm watching French newscasts and they are interviewing less-than-well-educated people, for example, I notice their errors (or at least their less polished usages) quite readily, same goes for when I'm in a crowd in Paris and little kids happen to be present. Of course in French I think it's kind of cool - especially from kids - it's as if you're listening to the very essence of living language. We always talk about how language is changing all the time but the language skills and uses of children are changing almost before our eyes (and, some of you will be interested to know, these changes, whether grammatical or even pronunciation-wise - mimic surprisingly well the sweeping linguistic changes that one sees happening over generations or centuries of language use).

Anyway given that I probably notice more of these things than the average bear, and given the fact that I do it in French as well, and possibly notice more readily (or dwell on at least) the anomalies I notice in that language, imagine my surprised delight a few weeks into last year's stay in Paris when I realized I had yet to see A Single Solitary Typo.

Not anywhere.

A few days later I did see a misspelling on the sign of a little sandwich shop... run by this nice Korean family. In my mind that is the incarnation of "justifiable." Give me a break - it took 3 weeks to see a language error in print in Paris and then only by finding a privately-printed sign at a hole in the wall sandwich shop run by FLE (French as a second language) immigrants?! Is that the coolest thing you've ever heard or what?

It made me really love French people all the more. It also made me oddly appreciative of the more anal side of their nature. I mean, the same mentality that came up with the idea of the Académie Française is probably to thank for the seeming lack of language errors in contexts which, here in the States, are starting to overflow with them (newspapers, commercials, headlines on news shows, magazines, packaging...) Or if that's too on the nose for you, it's the same mentality possessed by sales clerks in NAFNAF (French clothing store chain) who take one look at the top you found and another at your body and somehow both forcefully and tactfully take the top from your hand, replacing it with one you really didn't think looked intriguing At All but when you try it on seems to be a top made by your own personal Top Fairy; indeed it fits you and makes you look better than nearly any top you've ever bought in your life... or at least since your last trip to France. This is the same mentality I lamented on occasion during grad school when working with Frenchies whom I periodically found to be too concerned with the aesthetics of certain things: waiting for a French friend to finish recopying her Proust seminar notes in 10 different colors so we could go to a movie; rolling my eyes at another who freaked when a page of her already-presented paper fell to the floor, causing one corner to crease; spending 400 years fighting with pre-existing oh-so-perfect and aesthetically pleasing formatting on a final exam we needed to refurbish for a new semester (veritable feng shui -- à la française: the arrangement of each set of cues and each vocab bank resulting in the perfect flow of function and text as one traveled through the exam, and the pièce de résistance: a highly complicated and cantankerous table permitting the glossary for the reading comprehension section to be in a finagled sidebar, textwrapped by the reading comprehension passage itself... I know, I'm one to talk! Maybe some of you see now why I am the way I am!... Wait a minute! I seriously think I've got something there - how cool would it be if I could blame all my anal/control-freaky/perfectionisty stuff on prolonged exposure to various former Frog friends and colleagues?! Hmmm. Well maybe not all...)

All this to say that I guess if French people have to be a bit sensitive about doing things "comme il faut" (as they should be done) in order for me to enjoy all the things I enjoy and appreciate about them and their culture, so be it.

Now the real trick would be to apply the same rationale to myself: time to see (some, not all of) my perfectionism in a more forgiving light; obviously it's necessary for a certain level and type of Susancontentment, although it's a chief source of hefty discontent all too often. Hopefully I will continue learning to apply it less stringently, even to ignore it on occasion (and WITHOUT feeling guilty afterwards or viewing the end product as substandard Susan output). I will try to see the merits of going off book more often. I won't quash it completely, but a kinder, gentler perfectionism is not a bad goal, especially if it helps me regard it as an integral and valuable, if sometimes inconvenient, part of myself.

And if maintaining a certain percentage of my perfectionist side means I'll be able to continue contributing to quality control of language use in the world at large, so much the better. I'm pretty sure I can do all that and still keep typos to a minimum.

dazlious

Someone is headbutting my shoulder. That's pretty dazlious but really I wanted to talk about the perfect film. Well one of 'em anyway. I think it was Jessica who asked me recently if I had seen any good movies. Hopefully I'll remember to mention Snow Cake when she asks me next.


I have had rather a crap day, in a moderately long line of not entirely un-crap days, but I have to say after watching this movie tonight that

a. I really need to watch more movies on the TV (DVD player) and less via computer

and

b. there is SUCH beauty in the world. So thankful for stories and art and ideas and music and people out there who distract you from all the icky stuff and remind you that there are much more interesting and worthy things to focus on.

Not for kids

I just noticed that the town water tower has "Boner forever!" painted all the way around it.

I bet some people are pretty upset about that but I of course laughed. This might be a good test of one's real age - at what age will I become outraged by profanity painted on something public? Maybe if I had built the water tower or if I worked for the town or if the water tower were connected more directly to me personally...

Obviously if someone painted that on my car or house I would not be happy, but I can't think of any other context... OK maybe my webpage or here on HOV or something like that, or if someone hacked an automatic signature into my email account that read "Boner forever!" that would be pretty bad and I would be duly outraged... So I guess when you take it all into perspective I'm mature enough after all.

BTW please refrain from doing any of the aforementioned things.

The other side of why this is funny tho I think is the language used. Not your run of the mill cursing... obviously if they had put the F word all over or drawn genitalia that would be pretty awful and I would have rolled my eyes and maybe even emitted a "Gross!" instead of laughing. But part of what made me laugh was the mere glee, the celebratory nature if you will, of this exclamation. Also it kind of makes you think of middle school or high school boys, whose randy-ness and gross sex or penis jokes disgusted me when I was 12 but which I surprise myself now by looking back on and just chuckling about - perhaps thanks to now knowing that they really couldn't help it, testosterone does craaaaaaazy things and it isn't I guess until you reach some kind of maturity that you start to see any of those things as natural, tho perhaps no less exasperating or just plain icky.

So boys are indeed gross, but sometimes they make you laugh despite yourself. And if someone painting "Boner forever!" on the water tower can distract me for a second from feeling overwhelmed by my current workload then more power to them. Maturity be damned.

Dang, those linguists are touchy! or: how to stretch a nonevent into 30 minutes of chocolate-fueled procrastinatory blogging

I guess part of my indignation at the email below was because I'm old fashioned and expect people actually to say PLEASE, regardless of how polite they might think they're being or how strongly implied a "please" there might be in their request... Certainly this person's email is respectful but I found it presumptuous at the same time...

---

From: pperson@school.edu
Sent: Tue 7/21/09 9:03
To: me@sameschool.edu
Subject: One Line Translation Favor

Dear Susan Xxxxxxx:

I have a quick favor to ask. I'm working on a novel for which I need a
French headline that resembles this:

BLAH BLAH BLAH WITTY FAKE NEWSPAPER HEADLINE BLAH BLAH BLAH*

If you have a moment, anytime between now and August 20, to translate that
into French, I would be most appreciative.

Sincerely,

Presumptuous Person

---

From: me@sameschool.edu
Sent: Tue 7/21/09 9:37
To: pperson@school.edu
Subject: Re: One Line Translation Favor

Dear Presumptuous Person,

My base rate is $25 for translation, especially as it's for something you're going to publish. Otherwise I think you can probably get a close facsimile from an online translator or you might try wordreference.com - translators and linguists frequent the forums there and might help you for free altho most people like you to make an attempt first. Certainly worth creating an account to see.

Best,

SX

---

... and a little weird, style-wise... Are they teaching in creative writing now to address people by both first and last names? Or is that some new email etiquette I don't know about? Or maybe that's how she writes her fiction, too. Maybe all through her novel it will be Doug Stackhouse this and Bev Green that and Mitch Gimbel something else...

"...As she clicked off the cellphone after her discussion with Doug Stackhouse, Bev Green looked down at her shoes to see that she had indeed stepped in some of the famous Paris dog poop, which she would of course call "crotte de chien" in her diary that night. Even a French language neophyte like Bev Green knew that everything sounds better in French. Pondering this and chuckling to herself, Bev Green walked on. She would have to hurry if she was going to be on time to meet Doug Stackhouse and Mitch Gimbel for lunch at Mitch Gimbel's house in the 8th. Nearing a city trashbin Bev Green took that morning's newspaper out of her messenger bag, glancing a last time at its headline: "PATATI PATATA FAUX TITRE DE JOURNAL SPIRITUEL COMME TOUT PATATI PATATA" and chuckled again at the insanity of French transportation strikes before wiping the bottom of her shoe with it and tossing it in the "poubelle," not missing a step. In heels no less. What was that cutesy feminist quote about Ginger Rogers doing everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards? She made a mental note to tell Doug Stackhouse and Mitch Gimbel at lunch that she was now officially the most coordinated person in their own little 'bande à part'..."

('Cause, not only will I translate fake newspaper headlines for myself for free but I'll translate smart alecky replacement text for a fake newspaper headline, and I'll include some faux chick lit prose for good measure. Kee.)

The other part of the offense is the age-old translators' quandary. How to convince people that translation is not the same as breathing? It actually takes thought and effort, though of course the degree depends on the situation. Yes it would only take me a few minutes (maybe even 10 or 15 if I get perfectiony over having it sound Just So like newspaperspeak) to translate this thing, but if it's so easy, why don't YOU do it? Oh right, beyond thought and effort it takes knowledge and skill. You of course don't have 2.5 degrees in French and over 30 years in the language under your belt, which is why you've come to me. So why do you think this expertise will be free? You seem to understand that something special is required and yet that skill is not so special as to be valuable? It certainly didn't come free to yours truly. Sure, it wasn't ALL sweat and tears or I never would have stuck with it, but on my most wonderful French-learning day ever I would not have said I was studying French in order to have the joy of spouting free translations for all and sundry at the drop of a hat. I did it for ME. As such, this knowledge and discipline should continue to benefit ME, don't you agree? Further, you're not related to me that I know of, nor have I ever met you so the friends and family discount is Right Out, which is the only reason I would ever translate anything for free for anyone.

So fork it over or go play on Babel Fish. (And much good may it do you, heh heh heh.)

(I kinda hope she goes straight to WR and tries the same thing there. Those guys will pull less punches than I did in my email... but then they probably won't go do a snide blogpost...)

*fake newspaper headline verbage changed to protect the innocent - heaven forbid she go online and try to google it word for word and come up with my gripey blogpost! :)

adolit

This was my word verification on someone's blog just now. Personally I think when I was in the book business this would have made a way better nickname for the older kids' fiction which is usually called Young Adult. Don't you agree?

accidental linguistic hi-jinks

OK partly it's exhaustion and partly it's the slight embarrassment factor (y'all can ask Dean someday how exponentially harder I laugh when embarrassment feeds into anything) but this was pretty funny in its own right...

We are going thru Peer Evals which is how people get rehired from year to year. Tenured faculty on the PE committee contact all of us non-ten's to see when they can come observe our classes as part of our PE file-filling procedures.

So tenured prof Jeff wrote me last week and we figured out when he'll come visit one of my 202s. I knew him from our intro faculty meeting back in August. Someone had pointed him out to me as part of the Spanish section. On his last email confirming our day/time, he wrote in French. I thought, "Oh that's nice of him to write in 'my' language, I'll write him back in his." I wrote back in Spanish to which he responded in Spanish and then switched to French and quoted something from Rimbaud about things which make your head go round and round. I didn't really latch onto how that quote applied plus since I have long since forgotten most of my grad. school lit. stuff, I didn't even remember it was Rimbaud to be honest, and wrote back to Jeff in Spanish asking who said it. Two more nonsensical academic cleverness emails followed, where I continued in Spanish and Jeff stayed mostly in French...

Then just now when I got back from my last class (before the one I'm about to be late to :) there was another email from Jeff:

Me again. It dawned on me today that you might think I teach Spanish. I teach German and Russian, but I know some French because I'm Canadian...

I immediately started howling with laughter, much to the amazement of my officemates... Slightly embarrassed (me, that is) but mostly thinking how fun it would be to start a trend of writing to people in random languages with which they are only a bit more than slightly familiar.

On lamenting not being succinct

Nuf said.

"Go thru Nine Times and turn left at Sunset."

Of course I'm blogging b/c I'm SUPPOSED to be GRADING! See how it all comes around sometime?! When I'm supposed to be blogging I'm usually napping or watching movies, in case you were wondering.

Anyway Nine Times and Sunset were both towns we went thru when Andy was here on Mem. Day weekend and we did our incredibly beeyewteefull drive to NC and back. And at one point Andy really did say that so I made a mental note to use it for the blog title. Crazy town names. Way crazier that I remembered to use it! Ha!

Anyway here's our route, thanks to AP, mapper extraordinaire...
Start and end at the B and go counter-clockwise to reenact our trek. This was my first realization of how cool an area I'm living in now. It's like being back in Tucson but with slightly cooler temps and less rattlers (I'm guessing). This is the drive I mentioned a few weeks ago as being a good idea if anyone is visiting and we're not sure what to do with ourselves but don't feel like exertion (and no one minds the lack of AC in Hal since he would probably be the cheapest vehicle to take, gas-wise :) nyernt nyernt). I think driving time we did about 2.5 hours? If AP has a better idea I'll correct this later.

We stopped for pix and scenery at Caesar's Head. Short hike and tremendous lookout at a place whose name I can't ever remember (isn't this a great info-y post?!) and for some reason the pix Andy sent me won't load. I think they're probably really big and since I didn't pay attention that day in Summer Academy when they were telling us how to alter image properties (mostly because, frankly, the guy who always did the PhotoShop sessions irked me to no end) I don't know how to make them smaller so that they'll post. Maybe Andy will take pity on us and tell me how to do it. Then it will probably only be another 3 weeks til I get around to it. Actually shorter most like' since school ends Tuesday.

Anyway here you can see hiking pix from this weekend with the Meetup group. Page down if nec. and please disregard my weird locked-out-knee stance; I can just hear Mom if she saw that! We were just a little north of Brevard, NC (which you can see at about 1 o'clock on Andy's map), at the Butter Gap Loop hike in Pisgah National Forest. John's Rock, where we ended up before the last 2 miles back to the car (when I sprained my ankle :) , I think is roughly across from the major lookout where AP and I stopped whose name I can't remember. There are bunches of those huge bald mountains up there and incredible views everywhere. Incidentally if you look in the righthand sidebar, the pic with my name is kind of a topo shot AP took of me at Caesar's Head. I keep wanting to use it for my new Blogger profile pic but haven't got round to playing with it yet. Anyway thanks again AP.

It's pretty amazing to live so close to such incredible places. I'm told there are some fairly nice hikes closer to town, as well, but I haven't gone looking yet. I really need to since I'm still a bit sore from Sunday which means I better start using my hiking muscles more in between the big hikes. (In fact I'm in more pain from sore muscles than from my ankle, luckily.)

What's in a name?

Well... I just overheard some of the Spanish TA's discussing weird baby names. One of them had heard of a child named "Shitauris."

Parental cruelty has no bounds. Is one potentially mortifying connection not sufficient? Or, scarier... Maybe they didn't know!? But even assuming that there are indeed people out there who don't know what the more, if you will, erudite association would be... Surely no one is ignorant of the primary evocation here?

Big Yikes at any rate.